The Jaffe Briefing - January 11, 2022
TRENTON – A new state Legislature will be seated today, as a new two-year legislative session kicks off at noon. There will be that wonderful “new Legislature” smell in the chambers, as new lawmakers find their seats, make some friends and locate the most convenient restrooms. There will be a new senate president, Nick Scutari, as Democrats keep control of both houses. We bid farewell to such heavy hitters as Senators Steve Sweeney, Loretta Weinberg, Kip Bateman and Tom Kean, Jr. And we welcome some newbies we’ve never heard of before, like “Michele Matsikoudis” and “Sadaf Jaffer” and “Shama Haider.” We already apologize for the impending spelling errors.
TRENTON – In New Jersey, it’s good to be a Democrat. And NJ Spotlight explains why. For every dollar the state Legislature added to the budget over the past five years, districts controlled by Democrats got almost 95 cents, while Republican areas reaped a pathetic little nickel. This cash goes toward voter-friendly “Christmas trees,” which are pet projects that make state lawmakers appear tremendous. Some great examples: $30 million to the Camden County Improvement Authority for demolishing buildings in the city and millions more for health groups, Rutgers University’s Camden campus and the joint Rowan University/Rutgers-Camden board of governors. NJ Spotlight found plenty more goodies in Democratic-led Newark, in the 28th and 29th districts, receiving roughly $69 million and $74 million, respectively. And what about nine other legislative districts – eight of which were represented by Republicans? They got zilch.
TRENTON – The Record paints a whole new picture of Senate President Steve Sweeney as of noon today. As he lost election to some guy named Ed Durr, today he also loses his State Police driver, his $65,000 salary and his ornate office suite perched above the Senate. Yeah, elections really matter. Sweeney will revert back to his other occupation, as an ironworker. But that is not it. Nowhere close. Sweeney, who wielded enormous power as senate president for 12 years, is also going to be the director of a non-partisan “Think Tank.” And that tank will spend the next three or so years thinking about Sweeney running for governor. But first, in two years, he’ll be winning back his Senate seat as he reawakens his voters.
BRIEFING BREATHER
In the 16th Century, Turkish women could initiate divorce if their husbands didn’t provide enough coffee.
BLOOMFIELD – Eat more meat? The Bloomfield mayor and a gay councilman don’t want a Chick-Fil-A at the local rest stop on the Garden State Parkways, saying the overly-popular chicken chain funds discriminatory policies against the LGBTQ community via every sandwich sold. Mayor Michael Venezia says it is “incredibly disappointing” that the Turnpike Authority is allowing a Chick-Fil-A at the Brookdale South rest stop. “Chick-fil-A imposes its religion on employees, customers and operators and as a publicly-funded entity, the New Jersey Turnpike Authority should not allow this type of business on the Parkway,” says Councilman Rich Rockwell. Chick-fil-A did not offer the Record any comment on this issue. But the company did note its new seasonal Chicken Tortilla Soup has both a “spicy kick” and a “tortilla crunch.”
NEPTUNE – Unclear where else we can immediately buy bird seed, propane and mouthwash under one roof, as the pandemic has knocked out yet another Walmart until 6 a.m. tomorrow The latest “supercenter” to go down is on Route 66 in Neptune, bringing the total to nine temporarily closed stores in New Jersey since the end of December. NJ 101.5 reports the Walmart mega-stores typically close for 40 hours, as workers tirelessly scrub down the stores and hastily restock the shelves. Meanwhile, inconvenienced shoppers reportedly have travelled upwards of 300 feet to find another big box store selling the exact same stuff.
IN OTHER IMPORTANT NEWS
OSLO, Norway – Apparently there are some tight budgets in the Norwegian military, as conscripts have been ordered to return used underwear, bras and socks upon release from service. The Norwegian military admitted yesterday that it is struggling with dwindling supplies, requiring all this used and abused underwear to be passed from soldier to soldier. The Norwegian Defense Logistics Organization said because of “a challenging stockpile situation, this move is necessary.” A military spokesman defended the policy about recycling all these stained tighty-whities, noting with “proper checks and cleaning, the reuse of garments is considered an adequate and sound practice.” If you were ever thinking about conquering Norway with a broomstick and a squirt gun, now’s your big chance.
THIS DAY IN HISTORY
It was this day in 1997 that the “People’s Choice Award” went to Bill Cosby, as he marched through what would certainly be a lifetime of achievement and accolade.
WORD OF THE DAY
Haptic – [HAP-tik] – adjective
Definition: Relating to or based on the sense of touch
Example: My kid can’t fathom that Atari did not come with a haptic game controller.
WIT OF THE DAY
“I have no broadcasting training. No one's ever said to me, 'This is how you read a Teleprompter.' They just pointed to it and said, 'It's over there.'”
-Lawrence O’Donnell
BIDEN BLURB
“All the way through the supply chain, there’s … a lot of innovation.’ Because of the actions we’ve taken, things have begun to change. End of quote.”
-Joe Biden, reading from a Teleprompter
WEATHER IN A WORD
Arctic