The Morning Briefing - January 6, 2016
WAYNE - Plenty of apparent jiggle from a Pennsylvania woman, charged with stealing 39 bras from the Victoria's Secret at the Willowbrook Mall, the Record reports. Cops think she may be part of some sort of organized shoplifting gang, as she was also found on Saturday with 10 bottles of cologne that all assume are not for her personal use. Cops think she, and other theft-ring members, hit up Victoria's Secret stores in the region, making off with thousands of dollars worth of scanty underthings. What they do with all their booty? That's another secret.
HOBOKEN - With visions of bond issues dancing in their heads, one returning and four new City Council member were sworn in last night giving Mayor Dawn Zimmer the 7-2 "super-majority" she needs to borrow like there's no tomorrow. Shortly after Zimmer's "New Guard" council slate won November's election, officials in the Mile-Square-City began talking about bonding to replace Hoboken's century-old, decaying water mains among other projects, N.J. Advance Media reported. The council's two remaining naysayers are Zimmer's 3rd Ward nemesis Michael Russo and the 4th Ward's Ruben Ramos, who seem ready to rumble.
UNION TOWNSHIP - It may be the hottest thing this holiday season, just don't bring it to school. That is the message from Kean University officials, who don't want to see those damn hoverboards zipping down the hallways. Perhaps it's because the hoverboard may spontaneously explode, or perhaps it is because this self-balancing scooter is sending scores of people to the ER. Whatever the case, Kean will confiscate it, NJ.com reports. Students may have no choice but to go old school - actually using their feet to reach class.
EAST BRUNSWICK - Often full of surprises, two-term Mayor David Stahl may soon step down after being tapped as Woodbridge's fourth municipal court judge, N.J. Advance Media says. The state judiciary and Middlesex County's assignment judge haven't signed off yet, but wheels are in motion to replace him. One hitch: Because Stahl was elected as a Democrat - then surprised everyone by going Republican - the town's Democratic Party now gets to pick his successor. The mayor's seat would have been on this fall's ballot anyway because Stahl is in the final year of elected office and is preparing for a nice, feathery landing.
HIGHLANDS - We may finally be saying farewell to "Shorehenge," the 1,000-square-foot monument sitting on the beach in Highlands to honor the survivors of Superstorm Sandy. The Asbury Park Press reports borough officials want this outrageously ugly monument off their precious beach, telling the Tilt-Up Concrete Association that its monument is illegal under the something called the Coastal Area Facilities Review Act, which we are sure you have fully read. See more here.
TOMS RIVER - And then there were three. Ocean County Republicans are gearing up for a special convention this month to fill two unforeseen vacancies on the five-person Board of Freeholders. Jim Lacey resigned his $30,000 freeholder post on New Year's Eve so he can stay eligible to collect a full state pension after not being reappointed to his $192,000 job on the Brick Township Municipal Utilities Board, the Asbury Park Press reports. Lacey's departure comes weeks after Gov. Chris Christie picked Freeholder Jack Kelly for the state Parole Board. Once Kelly gets Senate approval, he can't keep his elected office. Frontrunners for the two-year openings seem to be Lacey Township Mayor Gary Quinn and former Assemblywoman-turned-Lottery Director Virginia "Ginny" Haines.
NEWARK - We're sorry. So sorry. The Newark Anti-Violence Coalition has issued an apology for any of its members that played an unintended role in a fight that broke out on the steps of the Newark Municipal Building last month. The anti-violence rally held by longtime activists turned violent after supporters of Mayor Ras Baraka began heckling them. It's become known as the "Brawl at City Hall," a name that seems inspired by fight promoter Don King, who coincidentally visited the city last month. The irony is that the anti-violence rally actually got more media coverage - international coverage even - than it would have if it were peaceful. Just proves that old adage, if it bleeds it leads.
IN OTHER IMPORTANT NEWS
MOSCOW - How much would you pay to smell like Vladimir Putin? Not much, right? Who wants to go around stinking like some pale, sweaty guy who thinks he is better than seven billion other Earthlings? But the scent, called "Leaders Number One," is now on sale in fine stores in Moscow where you can pick up your own black bottle featuring Putin's face for 6,500 rubles ($95). Now, you can know what oligarchy really smells like.
THIS DAY IN HISTORY
"Good Grief!" as newspaper readers around the country are introduced on this day in 1952 to Snoopy and Charlie Brown - that blockhead.
WORD OF THE DAY
Soporific (sop-ah-RIF-ik) - adjective
Definition: inducing or tending to induce sleep.
Example: The flight attendant probably was saying some really important things to me as I sat in the emergency exit row, but the instructions were really soporific. Oh, well.